Thank You Notes - Do You Write Them?

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Thank You Notes - Do You Write Them?

Postby Mila on Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:48 pm

I don't mean just in business but in general. My husband's family is very traditional and if you get a gift you HAVE to write a thank you note and so on. Now, okay I think it's polite and it shows you're grateful for the gift, plus just a nice thing to do... but sometimes I'm tired or busy or whatever and someone will get angry because I forgot to send a thank you note.

Now come on, I believe you should give without expectations, that includes thank you notes no? Of course I do say thank you and am very greatful that someone even thinks of me enough to send me a gift, LOL but if I do happen to forget that teeny little tiny step is that so terrible?

Maybe it's me, and probably it's becuase i'm just NOT a very traditional person at all but I don't expect a thank you note when I send a gift. I'm happy if the person likes the gift and enjoys it, that's all that matters to me.

However, in my quest to be considerate of other people's feelings I will attempt to write thank you notes in a timely manner to anyone who sends me a present in the future ;-)
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Postby Keri Wolf on Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:02 pm

I am with you on this Mila. I don't expect people to write me a thank you note every time I give a gift, and I am very bad at writing thank you notes myself. A simple verbal thank you is good enough for me.

I actually go round and round with my step-mother on this very topic. She is a very traditional person who thinks that you should write a thank you note to anyone you receive a gift from. I just let her make her comments when I don't send a thank you and do what I feel is right for me.
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Postby Mel on Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:30 pm

I don't think it should be expected or mandatory. We do try to write them but if we've thanked someone verbally then we typically don't send a card too.

Personally, I'd rather get no thanks than to get a card I know was only sent because it was mandatory.
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Postby Mila on Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:29 am

Interesting, and it's not that I have anything against them... they're kinda sweet but I also think a verbal thank you should be enough in many cases, and what upsets me is people that get upset IF you don't send them. To me it's a bonus getting one, LOL.

Also for birthday parties. I know one mother who takes the time to make sure she keeps each present seperate and will write a thank you note and actually mention the present like - thank you for my legos I really like them - but our presents always seem to get mixed up and then I don't know who sent what... I need a better system I think :wink:
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Postby Kit on Fri Oct 12, 2007 5:50 am

Hmmmm. You know, I think when people expect a Thank You note, it can be because of one of 4 reasons. The culture, the social circle, the type of event, or the relationship of the people who attend. (Not even going to mention the older generations.)

Some cultures are just more formal and consider different things to be the minimum level of civility for a given event. In the more affluent social circles, it's just considered to be common courtesy and anything less than that gets you a "black mark' in the group's book. If an event is a public event or one where many people attend (not just friends and family) such as weddings, funerals, graduations, 50th anniversary parties, or 65th birthday parties, it's more likely that formal manners are expected as a show of respect.

Here comes the part I like. Taking everything else into account, there are just some people who don't care about the social niceties. For instance, when I graduated from college, it was considered to be a more formal event and gifts came from people I didn't even know well (Grandmother added to the list.)

The people that I didn't see often or didn't know well, were at the top of the "Thank You Card" list. People I knew well AND saw on a regular basis were way at the bottom because most of them said, "Don't bother with a Thank You note," and I didn't. It was because of the very close relationship and their request that made it ok.

I'm willing to bet that in your case, the hard feelings came because of one of these reasons. That doesn't make it right for them to even mention it to you. There is no doubt that it is bad manners to mention it if a host neglects to send a Thank You note. That faux pas is worse than the perceived slight about sending the darn thing. There is just no getting around that one!


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Postby KellyMcCausey on Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:46 am

I am a card lover but I never have any expectations and am always pleasantly blessed when I get one :)

I know someone who gets bent out of shape if she doesn't get a card and it makes me perversely want to to NOT send her one LOL!
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Postby Lynette on Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:15 pm

It is not in my culture to give thank you notes. In the beginning, I found this to be a 'troublesome' thing :) but now that I'm better assimilated so to speak, I like to send them. Because I like receiving a note. That doesn't mean I've been good at it :lol:

But this year, I managed to get one of those SOC accounts and it has really helped me on this end. I even send them out to clients and partners.
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Postby w00w00 on Fri Oct 12, 2007 4:51 pm

This is a hot topic with some of my family members. Especially when it comes to wedding thank you cards. I have been raised that it is best practice that every bride sends EVERYONE a thank you card for the gifts that they received.

A couple of my cousins never sent a thank you card or even said thanks for the gifts after their weddings, and you better believe that at almost every gathering the very topic comes up. "Can you believe that she didn't even, blah, blah, blah"

After my wedding, the day I came back from my honeymoon actually, I sat down and wrote thank you notes to everyone on my list that gave us wedding and bridal shower gifts. Thank goodness I did or I would be tsk-tsked by some of my family members.


As for myself, I think a simple thank you is enough and if I don't get a card - it's not that big of a deal to me.
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Postby osen on Sat Oct 13, 2007 12:44 am

If a person is near and dear to me then I generally ask him or her that what gift shall I present. So I know that they are happy with the present. And if I give someone only for maitaining formality then it doesn't matter whether they are telling me thanks or not.

I personally always tell thankyou if someone give me something, because I believe that we should acknowledge if someone do something for me.
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Postby Mila on Sat Oct 13, 2007 3:26 am

I know someone who gets bent out of shape if she doesn't get a card and it makes me perversely want to to NOT send her one LOL!


That's exactly how I am!

I personally always tell thankyou if someone give me something, because I believe that we should acknowledge if someone do something for me.


Don't get me wrong, I think all presents should be acknowledge and to not say thank you would be rude... but if you have a phone conversation with someone and say thank you and tell them how nice the gift was or whatever and then they STILL want that thank you card seems a little over the top to me.

I also don't fault people for kids birthday parties. I know some mothers get bent out of shape if they don't receive a thank you note for the presents but sometimes there are so many presents or they all get mixed up together that it's hard to know who gave what. Last year, I gave goody bags and inside was a note that said "thank you for coming to my party, I really had fun and am glad you could share the day with me" that took care of that! ;-)

Also Wendy, I definitely agree for a more formal event like a wedding a thank you card is definitely important.

I get a little upset with some family members who like I said I will verbally thank and even talk about the present and so on but they get very upset if they don't get a thank you card too, which is a little crazy to me as to why this is so important. They also get very upset if the kids don't write thank you notes for their presents and computer printed ones don't seem to be good enough! LOL
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Postby osen on Sun Oct 14, 2007 12:04 am

if you have a phone conversation with someone and say thank you and tell them how nice the gift was or whatever and then they STILL want that thank you card seems a little over the top to me.


Yes I agree with you. They are not giving from their heart, they are giving for pride.

In our 'Vedas' it is told that, if your 'ahang' (ego or pride) is included with your gift than that gift is useless and valueless.
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Thank you cards

Postby createjoy on Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:22 pm

When I give a gift I make it from the heart! Is it nice to send a thank you card to let the person know that you appreicate their thought about you, YES! I think if I gave a gift and then expected a thank you then it wasn't a gift. I wanted the acknowledgement for the gift given if I feel hurt because they didn't send a thank you card. It some how for me, takes away the joy of giving the gift in the first place. Specially if I go around telling everyone that I didn't get a thank you. If they send one I do enjoy that as well.
I love to send unexpected cards those are the ones that are fun. They sometimes bring the call that says wow, how did you know I needed that. Those are the best! Even if I get know call I know that I made someone else fell good. That's the best!

I just bought a book about this. I haven't had time to read it yet, I'm lookding forward to it.
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Postby Mara B on Mon Oct 15, 2007 1:36 pm

We try to verbally acknowledge each gift that is given, and if it's someone I don't know well, I'll try to make sure a card is sent.

I have a friend, however, that is so hung up on thank you notes that she won't allow her children to play with their gifts UNTIL they send a thank you note. I think that's a little excessive, but that's the way she was brought up. Maybe it's a Southern thing? *Shrug*
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Postby myjadie on Mon Oct 15, 2007 4:24 pm

I send thank you notes for formal events and most of the time for birthday parties.

I day I was talking with a friend about thank you cards. She said she reads them then throws them away. I told her I'll send her one she just couldn't throw away. I made thank yous for my son's 1st birthday by putting his picture on the front of the card scrapbook style.

Another time I had my then 4 year old write Thanks with a crayon on a folded paper and copied that for thank you notes. Grandma kept it on the fridge for years.
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Postby jaz on Sat Oct 27, 2007 2:48 pm

[but if you have a phone conversation with someone and say thank you and tell them how nice the gift was or whatever and then they STILL want that thank you card seems a little over the top to me].

l think a phone conversation is quite enough . l too really hate sending cards.

how about if the gifts is really bad and you donot like it, how do you say thanks
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