Good jokes anyone?

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Good jokes anyone?

Postby KarriLee on Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:14 pm

Does anyone have any really funny, tears-streaming-down-your-face jokes that they would like to share? I laughed forever one day when I got the "stupidest labels" joke in my email. Has everyone seen that I should I find it and post it? It's really great I thought...
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby KellyM on Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:01 am

I haven't heard that one. Would you mind posting it?

I can never remember any good jokes. :(
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby momindo on Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:59 am

just few days ago my 7 yrs old daughter come to me with so innocent face and ask " Mom, were you there when I was born or only Dad ?"
I thought the question was so funny :D and I couldnt even explain how she was born.
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby LorettaOliver on Sat Feb 21, 2009 8:57 pm

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby chris on Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:15 pm

Loretta!

LMAO...this is to funny!
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby KellyM on Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:37 am

LOL..Good one, Loretta! :lol:
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby KarriLee on Sat Mar 21, 2009 12:18 am

(This one still gets me howling everytime.)

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm glad they cleared that up)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

26. On Nightly sleep aid -
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
(Duh!)
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby LorettaOliver on Sat Mar 21, 2009 10:07 am

21. On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)


My son disregarding this warning completely! LOL
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Re: Good jokes anyone?

Postby KellyM on Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:52 am

KarriLee wrote:7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.


Wait, what?

SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT


I still don't get it.

KEEP QUIET.


Fine, then.
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